dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
