I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
