Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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