I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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