Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
