i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
