OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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