do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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