maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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