I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
