I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
