I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it because I queefed?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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