I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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