Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
