she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
