Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
