Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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