I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
