Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
