Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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