no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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