Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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