ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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