Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize