u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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