the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
