Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
