I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
