Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
