I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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