Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
