Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
