i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
