You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
