remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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