Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He passed out mid-signature
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
