Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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