I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ugly people sure do ruin things
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
