cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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