how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
