My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
