thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm too high and old for this...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
