I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
