I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize