I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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