Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
