Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
