I could have mohawked her pubes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
