I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
