Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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