i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
