we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
