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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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