they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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