She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
