I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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