my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Actions speak louder than pants.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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