I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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