Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Randomize
