He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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