How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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