i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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