We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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