i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
