dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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