So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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