Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
