Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
