Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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