Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
