OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
