i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
