You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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