He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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