It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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