She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
