well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
