I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
