She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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