everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
