there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
