Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
