yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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