there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we're making bets on your personal life
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
