i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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