I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
