Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
